Krista and I recently went on our first date night since she had her surgery in late June. Truthfully, it’s been one of our only date nights this year and it was long overdue. There are a lot of reasons for that (some of which I have reflections on that I want to share when I’m ready), but one, of course, is the suffering she has experienced throughout the past year.
We’re hopeful that we’re entering a new season. She’s still experiencing some pain, but her energy levels have improved like crazy in the last week. It’s like… she’s her old self again. Moving from one season into another is wild like that: There’s something about the prior season that doesn’t become clear until you’re out of it.
Or maybe I’m projecting?
Perhaps one of my weaknesses is that I have trouble seeing things as they really are while I’m experiencing them. Something I’ve picked up recently that I think has helped me with that is a regular journaling routine (another topic on which I have thoughts to share). Intentional time at the beginning and end of each day has helped me better come to grips with processing the realities of that day and showing up with more agency and intentionality.
Anyways—before this becomes a very different reflection than what I set out to write… A few days after Krista’s surgery, I wrote down ten questions for our next date night.
Why?
Honestly, I can’t remember. I probably should have journaled that, too.
One conversation Krista and I had around the time she got her surgery is what we wanted life to look like post-surgery, regardless of the outcome. More regular date nights and time to connect was high on the list. That very well could have been the impetus of my date night questions’ reflection.
Another reason that I may have created the list is because it can be a challenge for us to move beyond talking about the kids and other smaller life to-dos (“Hey, what do you think the kids are up to right now?” Or, “How do you think the kids are behaving? etc. etc.).
A friend once told me that when he goes on a trip with his wife it takes him a day or so to get past talking about the kids and trivial life details before really getting into connecting with his wife. I’ve noticed something similar about myself. I sometimes have trouble getting to that next level of conversation and connection both with Krista and friends in short time frames. The hope was that these questions would help me cut down on the transition time from small talk to big talk (is that a thing?).
It worked.
Although, when I afterwards asked Krista what she thought of the questions, her response was, “I liked having the talking points.”
So… romantic? Definitely a very Krista response.
Anyways, here are my questions. Some of them were duds, some led to really good conversation. I’ve tried to include some notes below, too…
10 Questions for Date Night
If you could change anything about life right now at the snap of your fingers, what would it be? Not looking for “solving world hunger” type answers here.
What’s one thing that God has been teaching you in this season? This was my favorite question because it led to unexpected conversation.
If you could change one thing about me, what would it be? This was the hardest question to ask, but my therapist encouraged me to ask it at some point so here we are (something about “blind spots”… as if I have any 😜). Krista was gentle, and it led to some good conversation.
What, if anything, are you dreading right now? Neither of us have anything in life that we’re dreading right now… so that’s good.
What are you most excited about right now? Simple question, but also led to a lot of good conversation about things that weren’t really on my radar.
Where do you want to be in one, three, and five years? This question was kind of a dud. We did some “life planning” a number of years ago and it was really good to think through these things together and we typically revisit this stuff at the beginning of each year… just seemed like it was a little much for date night.
If you had to choose one era from our relationship to go back in time to, what would it be and why? This was a fun question and we both had the same answer. Italy 2017—the year before Jack was born. Such a good season together. No judgement on our kids, of course. We couldn’t imagine life without them.
What’s one thing you would want to do this year if money or time were not an obstacle? Another fun question that led to conversation around some things that we hope can become a reality in the next few years.
What’s been my biggest weakness in this season? Dud. We felt like this had been asked and answered in question #3.
What’s been my biggest strength in this season? I think the “in this season” appendage is important for this question so that we didn’t just list the usual strengths that we see in each other.
We’ve decided that for future date nights we’re going to alternate who develops the questions. Krista has already shared one of her questions for next time: Do you have any secret aspirations for our kids?
Her answer, you ask?
She wants Jack to be a doctor and Bennett to be… the next Ed Sheeran. No pressure. I can’t imagine our children developing any sort of complex 🙄.
Though, I will admit I’ve never seen a child light up and dance like Bennett does when music comes on. His favorite jam right now is OneRepublic’s I Ain’t Worried. Check out these dance moves…
A quick note about future posts…
My last post was written over a year ago. Lots of reasons for that, too. One is that I wanted my reflections to be dialed in as if I was writing philosophical treatises that would shape the course of history. The lack of posts over the last year probably gives you an idea of how that went. Plus, this space is for the ordinary things—and I think this sort of thing is probably a bit more my speed.
There are some other life changes and updates that will hopefully allow me to devote some more time to this project. My hope is to write a new post every 10 days or so. Krista’s frequently reminded me lately that not every post has to be 2000+ words with citations from my favorite theologians.
I guess so…
If you find a post thought-provoking, please let me know. The encouragement helps. And if you don’t, you can let me know that, too. But be forewarned, I love a good argument.